This is a Leadership Issue
“The husband of one wife...one that ruleth well his own house...for if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God? -I Tim 3:2,4,5
24 "Leadership" Ideas for Husbands
1. Print off the list of interview questions and use them to actually interview your wife. I did that after being married for more than twenty years, and I was shocked to find there was so much I didn't know about my wife, whom I adore and cherish. Follow up every question with open-ended questions (begin with how, why, what, and then ask further about how she feels about her answer or the topic, whenever appropriate).
2. Go to breakfast at a "Denny's" type restaurant. Breakfast with pancakes and eggs is so much domestic work. It is an hour well spent, usually before the day begins anyway. Try to do that at least monthly, or better, weekly.
3. Schedule time in your calendar for your wife (and for your family) ahead of time. If your calendar is full till next month, then fill next month with some time for your wife now. Then you can honestly say, "I can't meet with you then, I have a prior engagement at that time."
4. Pray together, if you don't do this, make it at least a weekly scheduled thing. It will grow. Make your wife one of your counselors, no one will care more for your needs.
5. At least once a week share your quiet time gleanings together. It is interesting how God speaks to marriage partners along the same lines and issues so often.
6. Leave the note somewhere once in awhile. In the sugar bowl, in the fridge, in her dresser drawer, in the book she is reading, etc. The note might remember something she did like, "thank you for getting me a tea last evening, you....," or it might tell her about how she makes you feel, etc. Yes, a silly, childish love note. Stop taking ourselves too seriously.
7. Send a card in the mail to her. She gets more bills than tender cards from her lover.
8. Call her during the day, "just to say hi." Ask her questions and listen.
9. Go for a walk out of the blue together.
10. Do you have bikes? Go for a bike ride. Maybe rent them at a park.
11. Go for a drive, and stop for a coffee. Do the interview. Listen, listen, listen.
12. Make her breakfast in bed.
13. Call her mom/dad, or her sister/brother long distance, and hand her the phone while you do the evening dishes.
14. Tell others about your wife in the nicest and most praising terms appropriate. Always show off her good side (Prov 31 woman was "known in the gates'" because her husband praised her there to others.)
15. Hold hands in public. Touch often.
16. Look at her, as for the first time. Remember the girl you met. (the “wife of your youth.”)
17. Make her something. Hand made, whatever you can work in (wood, clay, paper, a drawing, painting, etc.)
18. Next time she complains of something broken, make sure you get it fixed the next day.
19. Buy her some bubble bath, light a few candles, fill the tub for her, turn out the lights. (Especially when she says she wants to take an early bath, jump up and say you need to go first, and walla, surprise her.) Makes even an ugly bathroom seem cozy.
20. Rent a movie of the genre she likes (it won't hurt much), buy some popcorn, make it for her yourself, and curl her up in your lap and feed her popcorn.
21. Go to the cheapo movie theater together. Make it a date, plan it a week ahead (looking forward to things is half the fun).
22. Take her out for a drive, and end up at a hotel together for the night (pack her a few things secretly, change of clothes, tooth brush, etc. If possible, rent the room in the afternoon, and decorate it with streamers or I Love You helium balloons. Turn on the radio, not the TV. Dance.
23. Find out one thing you do (or don't do) that really annoys her, and stop doing it (or, begin doing it). It won't kill you to clean the sink after you brush your teeth, or throw your dirty clothes in the laundry basket/down the chute, or to take out the garbage before she asks for the third time, etc. Every time you do it say "I love you" to her, but especially to yourself. She will already know.
24. Find something you or she used to do as kids, and do it together. My wife loves green apples picked from a tree (long drive to the country for us, too). I went to the park with her, knocked down chestnuts, drilled the hole in them, hung them on a sturdy piece of string, and taught her how to have chestnut wars. She didn't like the game, but she was fascinated at what little boys think is fun. We each got to be kids again. |
Interview your Wife with 40 Questions
They are not in any order, bounce around, and have fun! Also try printing them out double spaced, cut each question into a separate strip, fold them and put them in a small Tupperware like cup with a cover. Take them with you next time you go to dinner or just out for coffee. Take turns pulling out questions, and interview each other.
1. What qualities do you have that have contributed to your success?
2. What are your greatest accomplishments so far? Why?
3. What do you consider your greatest failures so far? Why?
4. If you could start over, what would you do differently?
5. Do you prefer working alone, or with others? Why?
6. If you could have made improvements in your life, what would they have been? How would you have gone about them? What prevented you from accomplishing them?
7. What school subjects did you enjoy? Why? What would you have done different in school?
8. What kind of people annoy you the most? (She is probably the opposite of the type of person given as a response.)
9. Describe the best person who ever worked with you?
10. What are the disadvantages of your chosen field?
11. What do you think determines a person’s progress in life?
12. Describe some of the emergencies that forced you to rearrange your time?
13. What are your three greatest strengths? (press, and give time)
14. What are your three greatest weaknesses? (press, and give time)
15. Tell me about a time you had to make a decision quickly.
16. How do you feel you get along with others? Why? What could you do to improve that?
17. What are your goals- both short term and long term?
18. What makes you upset?
19. What is one thing you learned in the last week or two?
20. Tell me about the last book you read.
21. What do you think are the most serious problems facing the Church today? The Family?
22. What is one thing churches do well? poorly?
23. How would you define leadership? (take notes)
24. What is your philosophy of life?
25. What are you best known for?
26. From whom have you learned the most?
27. Do you manage your time well? Explain.
28. Describe your dream job/life.
29. How would you define success?
30. What problem-solution situation are you most proud of?
31. Describe a time when you were able to have a positive influence on others.
32. How flexible are you?
33. What motivates you?
34. How do you handle conflicts?
35. Tell me about a time when you conformed to a policy with which you disagreed.
36. What sort of person would you least like to work with? (Again, she is probably the opposite of the kind of person given as a response.)
37. Are you working toward a degree? Why (or Why not)?
38. Describe a situation that required you to use fact finding skills.
39. How do you cope with the inevitable stresses and pressures of life?
40. Please describe for me a typical day in your life- like last ___day?
Remember to take notes, and enjoy the wonder of remembering the wife of thy youth . . . and discovering things you never knew about this lovely gift He offers you in partnership for life.
-Art Mealer |